Young enough to know better. Old enough not to care.'s Journal

Fic: Damage Limitation (1/1)

https://bigtitch.livejournal.com/318329.html

Title: Damage Limitation(
Author:

bigtitch(
Word Count: 1700
(Rating: PG 13
(Characters/Pairing: Lester, Lyle, Cutter(
Author notes: I thought of this ages ago and its take this long to write it. Lyle belongs to

fredbassett. I confess to not asking permission, but Lyle's a nearly as much a fic-tart as Stephen, so I dont think he minded. Thanks to Fred for the super-fast beta.

It just so turned out that Monday afternoon that Lester's car and the two returning 4x4s arrived in the ARC carpark at the same time. Lyle, Cutter and the soldiers were clearly in a good mood, joking with each other as they started to unload the equipment. Lester, who had clearly been having less of a good morning, stalked towards them like a storm cloud in a bespoke suit. He removed his phone from his ear as he drew level with them. 'You two,' he said to Lyle and Cutter, 'my office. Now please.' Lester didn't break stride as he walked towards the stairs to the atrium. Cutter and Lyle exchanged a glance and fell in behind him without a word. Lyle handed his pistol to Finn as he went past.

Cutter and Lyle marched obediently behind Lester all the way through the atrium, up the ramp and through the door into Lesters office. Lester walked behind his desk and sat down, putting his mobile phone on the blotter in front of him. He gestured at the two chairs in the office and Cutter and Lyle brought them up and sat in front of the desk.

How did it go at the dentists? Lyle asked before Lester had a chance to speak.

It was fine. Re-attaching a crown generally isnt a complicated job, although Mr Strickling seemed to want to get as many tools into my mouth as he could fit at one time. The job was considerably enlivened and hindered by the number of texts I was getting. Let me ask you the same question I was being asked by the Minister of State for Digital and Culture Media and Sport, the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Arts, Heritage and Tourism, the Permanent and Deputy Secretaries for Digital and Culture Media and Sport - just what were you up to in the Victoria and Albert Museum and why is the German Ambassador interested in it!

There was an anomaly, Lyle said, as though that was all the explanation anyone could want.

Lester clenched his fists in the manner of someone who was hanging on to his patience by a single thread. I didnt think it was a cultural outing.

The anomaly was on the third floor in the ceramics gallery, Cutter supplied. Three creatures came through. New species. They looked like a cross between a raptor and a boneheaded dinosaur - homalocephale from the shape of their foreheads.

Thick and dangerous, Lyle said. Bit like the marines.

Or the paras, Cutter suggested.

Nah. Paras land better than these things. That one that fell down the staircase had no idea how to break a fall.

Cutter nodded sagely.

How badly damaged was the ceramics gallery?

Not that bad. A couple of display cases over. Thats all. The anomaly was right by the staircase so I think only one creature made it into the gallery itself.

You think? Lester looked disappointed. Dont you know?

It was pretty much all over and done with by the time we got there.

We pretty much just had to lock the anomaly and mop things up.

Cutter means that literally. We had to get a mop and bucket out.

Lester stood up. How did that happen?

Well, the V&A has upgraded its security recently. All the terrorist threats and that. They dealt with it.

Youre trying to tell me that a civilian security shift, guarding a museum, could handle a creature incursion with dangerous raptor hybrids?

Yes, Lyle said, taking pity on Lesters frayed nerves. Theyve got gurkhas on the staff.

Gurkhas?

Lyle nodded, grinning. Three of them. Three gurkhas versus three raptors. It wasnt even remotely an even fight.

Lester came around and sat on the edge of the desk, frayed nerves and dental problems forgotten. Tell me everything. This I have to hear!

The ADD alarm went off about 9:30, Lyle started. We got the team together and stuck on the blues and twos until we got to the museums. The geo location wasnt that precise and we were taking bets as to whether wed be playing with real dinosaurs in the Natural History Museum, but the crowds were all heading out of the V&A so the fossils were safe.

Probably just as well, Cutter said. Too many experts would spoil the broth as it were. And theyd want to adopt one.

Anyway, it sounded like every alarm the museum had was going off. And we had every emergency service from Hampstead to Putney trying to park on Museum Road. We got through the police cordon and ran up the stairs to the main entrance and who was there to greet us but Sergeant Bishal Rai, late of the Second Gurkha Rifles. He had a big smile and a blood stained kukri so I knew hed already been having fun.

Mr Lyle sah! he said. Weve worked together before and been on a few training excercises. Mr Lyle. They said you were working on strange shit. Well this is very strange shit, sah!

I asked how he got the blood on his knife, Cutter said. He said theyd seen a strange sparkling cloud in the ceramics gallery on the security cameras. When they were on their way to investigate when a creature jumped out at them.

It sounded like the creature had problems keeping its feet on the polished floor so it didnt manage a complete surprise attack. And Sergeant Bai had time to whip his kukri out and cut one of its feet off.

Which really gave it balance issues.

And then Bai put it out of its misery. They worked out that this was serious shit, called it in and started to evacuate the building. Well, Bai got the British security guards to deal with that. He and Gurkhas Bista and Gurung went hunting. That was after they raided a couple of the exhibits for something long and sharp to hunt with. I think the Japanese gallery was lighter a few things.

I got the impression theyd been waiting for a chance to try some of them out, Cutter said.

Who wouldnt? Theres a katana there Id just love to get my hands on.

Can we get back to the point? Lester asked.

Sorry. So were getting the sit rep from Sergeant Bai and he said that the evacuation was pretty much complete when theres this screaming from the left hand staircase. We sprint over and theres this wave of screaming school kids coming down. They were German as it turned out. We tried to fight our way through them when theres a yell and a creature comes down the stairwell and crashes at the bottom with something gold and sharp stuck in it courtesy of Gurkha Gurung at the top of the stairs.

Lester consulted his phone. Would that be the jeweled elephant goad, from Jaipur in the 1870s?

Lyle shrugged, It might have been,. I didnt check to see if it had a label. We got rid of the school kids as soon as we could.

That might be why the German Ambassador wants a word, Cutter said.

I dont like screaming kids, Lyle said.

I think they got that.

Lester looked at his phone again. So that explains the German Ambassador and a priceless elephant goad. Do you know what happened to a Japanese naginata polearm, 18th century with an inlaid ebony shaft?

Would that be a long spear thing? Cutter asked.

I believe it would be something along those lines, yes.

Well the Gurkha in the ceramics gallery was guarding the anomaly with a spear.

Oh, so it was undamaged?

Yeah, I think so. The creature the Gurkha stuck it in was damaged, but not the spear. At least, we think so. The spear was still in the creature when it buggered off back through the anomaly.

I suppose you could blame us for the loss of the spear, Lyle admitted. We stopped Gurkha Bista from going through the anomaly to get it back. But thats more like conservation work. Can you imagine the damage an armed Gurkha could do to history. Talk about stepping on a butterfly and changing the world!

Cutter shuddered theatrically.

Any other damage? Lester asked.

Lyle shook his head. No that was it. The creatures did for a couple of ceramics display cases right at the start. But apart from the weaponry there wasnt anything else that got messed with. We locked the anomaly, did a proper sweep of the museum, but nothing else came through we could find and the anomaly closed after about an hour.

Are you telling me that the ARC team went to a national monument and didnt break anything?

Lyle thought about it for a second. Yes.

Well you introduced a bunch of German teenagers to vocabulary you dont find in school dictionaries when that creature nearly landed on your foot. Cutter suggested.

Travel is supposed to broaden the mind.

Not that wide.

What happened to the dead creatures?

On the way to the lab. Stephen and I can dissect them later. Although I think were still missing one of the feet.

You can ask Sergeant Rai about it, but Im laying bets thats heading off to the Sergeants Mess at the Gurkha barracks. Trophy of war.

Cutter humphed. I was disappointed no one yelled Ayo Gurkhali!

Nah, they only do that when it gets really serious. Lyle stood up. Are we done?I could really do with a cup of tea!

Lester waved a hand. Yes, thank you for that interesting report, gentlemen. I shall apologise to the German ambassador for any additional distress we might have caused to his fellow countrymen while rescuing them from certain death. And I shall praise the dedication and quick thinking and actions of the highly trained V&A security guards that left us with little to do other than admire their work. Its certainly a novelty not to have to come up with excuses for widespread destruction. Im not saying were ever going to live down the incident at Stonehenge, but a few more like this and we might push it to the back of the civil service collective memory.

Lester didnt smile, but there was the ghost of a wink as he sat down at his desk.

The End

Notes: I cant prove that ex-Gurkha Riflemen are among the security guards at the V&A, but Ive been a few times recently and I would be really surprised if there werent.

The two items I mentioned are definitely in the collection, though:
Elephant Goad and
Naginata