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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in
"Say something" ... "I don't want coffee"'s InsaneJournal:
| Friday, September 29th, 2023 | |
| 2:44 pm | Yuletide treasure!!! happy Xmas!! my yulegoat wrote me crossover The Good Wife/Star Trek: TNG fic with EVERYONE I love and adore in AND pon farr, femslash, fpreg, Lwaxana Troi, it is so so so very good. Mingled (10538 words) by Anonymous Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Good Wife (TV), Star Trek: The Next Generation Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma Characters: Alicia Florrick, Kalinda Sharma, Diane Lockhart, Peter Florrick, Eli Gold, Maddie Hayward, Elsbeth Tascioni, Veronica Loy, Lwaxana Troi, Beverly Crusher, Grace Florrick, Zach Florrick Additional Tags: First Time, Fpreg, Pon Farr, Crossover, Time Travel, Vulcan, Telepathy, Femslash, Betazoid, Mind Meld, Alternate Universe, Yuletide 2013 Summary: When pon farr strikes Alicia Florrick, who will be her bonded mate? Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/329313.html with |
| 2:44 pm | dear yule goat... placeholder! Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/328936.html with |
| 2:44 pm | dear Femslashex writer! Dear writer, Apologies for getting this up so late. I hadn't realised how much time had passed. If you haven't started yet, or this can help you at all, great! If you're already done, have your idea, I'm sure I'll love it. I'm very excited to be receiving a story, I love exchanges and I know it'll be fantastic. I love the glorious, magical insanity of Once Upon a Time. I don't mind things not making sense, or the terrible canon writing because the fanfic is so good. I love Emma/Regina (especially when they're happy) and Aurora/Mulan (when they're kingdom building and fantastic, I'm down with threesomes with Phillip too, if those interest you). I've never read Belle/Cora but it fascinates me the way Belle is with 'monsters'. Cora fascinates me quite a bit. Belle/Ruby is good fun. Regina/Snow is mysterious and I love AUs where they could have saved each other/worked together or tragic ones where Regina teaches Snow about sex and love. True Blood has stellar, sarcastic, brilliant vampire women. Whatever pairing pleases you and however you want to write it is wonderful. I love the show, love all the lady!vamps and have a weakness for them deciding to build a family with what they have. Merida/Mulan intrigues me because I see Mulan as a woman who would absolutely impress Merida, and the culture clash would be fascinating. Aurora/Maleficent fascinates me because of the power games and epic strangeness of Maleficent. I think Merida/Rapunzel would be adorable (all the fantastic hair!), Belle/Megara is a good mix of sarcasm and sincerity. Mulan in the modern era and Jane sounds incredible, as does Jane in the past. Cinderella and Snow White seems pretty and fascinating. Maybe they could be runaway bandits or glimmering queens together. I have a thing for magical fem!preg means. (I will love anything you write, truly for you are fantastic. I'm just putting this out there if it would interest you. I know not everyone likes pregfic, and if you happen to, great! If not, also great!) Thank you, dear writer. Apologies again for the lateness of me completing this. Can't wait to see what you write! - Oparu Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/328496.html with |
| 2:44 pm | fic: Light My Way Home | M | Once Upon a Time | Emma Swan/Regina Mills Fastest long fic I've ever written. Way fun. Light My Way Home (118276 words) by Oparu Chapters: 16/16 Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV), The Little Mermaid (1989) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard Characters: Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan, Henry Mills (Once Upon a Time), Ariel (The Little Mermaid), Ursula | Vanessa (The Little Mermaid) Additional Tags: Magical Accidents, Magic Made Them Do It, Pregnancy, Magical Pregnancy, Fpreg Series: Part 1 of Above the Shadowed Sea Summary: Emma, Regina and the intrepid crew of the Jolly Roger set out to save Henry from Neverland. Regina's drained her magic so low she needs a transfusion from the saviour, Gold's plan to sneak past the Lost Boys is a bit fishy and Emma does things with magic she didn't think she could do. Mermaids, magic and a long journey by sea, follow. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/327747.html with |
| 2:44 pm | oh wise and mighty flist... do I want to call my fic "Cold Grey Dawn" or "Winter's Grey Dawn" or "Grey Winter's Dawn" ? (I'd make a poll, but they don't work cross platform anymore, do they? Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/327620.html with |
| 2:44 pm | oh travel... Flight from China was nice. I must highly recommend Finnair. Good food, nice planes, very polite, lovely staff, lots of coffee and tea... Helsinki airport is a great place to transit. It's clean, comfy, has lots of lounge chairs and outlets. I was so worn from my Kunming-Beijing sojourn that I couldn't be bothered to leave the airport. (too cheap to spend the 20 euros on a hostel and then 12 euros on transit). The kind gentleman cleaning the airport gave me a blanket and I slept surprisingly well, considering it was an airport bench and they don't turn the lights off. The light makes it harder to sleep than anything, really. I can totally rock the bench sleeping. Had lots of coffee, some Finnish pastries and berries and milk (which was really good or China milk was so bad I had forgotten...). Wrote fic, binge-watched half of season one of OUaT. Flew to Heathrow, with two lovely women in my row with me who chatted quite pleasantly most of the way. One from NZ and one Finn, both elderly, living in London now. Great company. Now I'm holed up in Pret-a-Manger (which I love, truly) at St. Pancras, waiting for my train and shamelessly using the free wifi. It's an overnight to Glasgow so I can work at Glasgow Collectormania (and the Borg Queen is coming and how I adore her!) so exciting. I have no idea if I have any flisters who are into it, but if anyone would be willing to have a chat (email, message, tumblr ask...) with me about my fic (it's 100k of Emma/Regina and the Charmings in mythical China, fighting monsters and trying to get along, with Ariel and Ursula, for fun). I don't need you to read it. (it's long). I'm just used to having someone to talk to because sometimes my ideas don't work in my head until I've discussed them. I put Neverland somewhere in the FTL pacific ocean, so after they rescued Henry, they landed in mythical China on a pirate ship, which was REALLY fun. I got to play with translation spells and Chinese mythology, creatures and markets. Loved it. Emma and Regina are adorable, they have so many issues to work through, but they're both so passionate, good fun. And if you write them you get to write magic and...whee...magic is incredible. There's also canon child abuse, which is weird to approach as backstory because it's something I'm still working on in therapy. Lots of people have marital rape in their Regina head-canon, which makes her relationship with Graham make more sense (whoever's in control dictates the sex) (Different than writing Trek characters because Trek characters are so much more level-headed.) Anyway, I have Emma and Regina head over heels for each other, now home after being awesome magical badasses and beating down the lovecraftian monstrosity I threw at them. I had Snow White crowned queen and she's pulled a Roslin and pardoned everyone for past actions so they can start anew. Emma and Regina's relationship is still secret (Snow and Charming know and are supportive because I love Snow and Regina's relationship mending...such a sucker for that). But how do they come out with it? I suppose they could stay secret for awhile. I have two ideas. One: Snow announces Emma is being betrothed to a sorceress of Qin because Emma's magic is stronger in a team and she is publicly married to Regina (in a traditional Chinese wedding dress, with her face obscured until the end of the ceremony). Depending on how obvious Emma and Regina have been, there may or may not be grumbling about Emma being forced to marry someone she doesn't love for the good of kingdom, and Snow being too overbearing. Which means Regina and Emma have to be seen together, being kind of cute and probably magically helpful in the kingdom reconstructing. I like this idea because it proves Snow's not an unreasonable leader because she wants people to question her and it means people will see how much Emma and Regina love each other. The other idea is leaving it open ended and Emma and Regina's relationship remains kind of unspoken until the sequel. Less flashy. Also, because it's me and it seems whenever I enter a new fandom, I have to write an epic preg fic (I have done this four times now...) Regina's magically pregnant. Fpreg is great fun to write and I think she's adorable. This fic just makes me happy. It's such jellyfish fic and I'm having so much fun but ahhhh I don't know how to end it. Decided after spending much time by myself that I am an introvert. I like people, I do, but I so need my alone time by the end of the day. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/327395.html with |
| 2:44 pm | What do I want from femslash? I want partners. I've read that, and thought about how brilliantly she wrote about what she liked and wanted to do my own because I so rarely think about why I like the things I like. I know there's a specific type of fic that draws me in like nothing else and as I grow more comfortable with femslash being my favourite (I like het the way I like meat in my diet, a rare treat: wonderfully prepared). I want women to be in love. Skip aheads to committed relationships are some of my favourite femslash. I like curtain fic, pregnancy fic, baby fic, kid fic, fic where they go to parent teacher conferences and kid one's been burning things in magic class and kid two just wants to play kickball all the damn time. I like huge expansive world building fic where you have to fight dragons on your way out to buy curtains. (this may actually be my favourite type of fic). The world shapes you. Makes you who you are and who you are in a relationship is you, but it's a different you. I like who women are when they're in love. Not that they're not them, but it's a facet of their personality that speaks to me. It's not my life. I am not, nor have I been in love. I have no children. (I have some adorable cats.) It's the part of life I don't have, that I haven't experienced, that fascinates me so. What is it like to wake up next to the same person every day? Does she love her partner's hair when it's messed up? Does one of them snore? Does she forget to wash the dragon blood off her armour when she gets home late? Domestic world building. Is this a thing? It's the little pieces that make a world. The way no one drinks coffee because it hasn't been discovered yet or the way the trees smell. Little pieces make worlds feel real to me. (thanks Two of them against the world, or saving the world, making the world better: I like when they're united against the odds. I like when their abilities mesh so together they're a little bit better and dealing with whatever they have to deal with. Women who fall in love are my weakness. It's the state of being in love, where they're just a little bit more than themselves. The impact a person has on those in her life is what fascinates me. The little courtesies like bringing each other coffee in the morning. My life has always been so individual. What I want from fic is the sharing. Crawling into bed next to each other, watching the birds outside of the window. When women are talking or not talking, sometimes simply being together in the same space: that's what fascinates me. The permutations of that and how things grow together between two women are what draw me in. I'm not a stickler for canon, or certain interpretations of the characters. I think every writer makes a world unique, complete with the characters as that writer chooses to construct them, and there are some who just pull me in like gravity. Some stories have so much passion, such rich and complex emotions that I sit back from them and know that this is humanity, spread naked on the page. It fascinates me so because there are levels of what I don't know in myself and don't know in others that are there and I feel like I get it, in a way I never do on my own. Perhaps it relates to the way I process emotions (a little off), but something about women's emotions as it relates to women they love just fills me with a kind of joy that I don't get from anything but femslash. I love men, and occasionally one will touch me in a story, but rarely the way fics about women do. Two women, talking to each other, about each other or avoiding each other is the crack of fic for me. There's an indulgence to sinking into a fic that's deep and emotional that's like a warm bath. This kind of it, like lavender bubble bath, is my absolute favourite. (yes, other kinds are out there and they exist but damn...is femslash is the height of it for me). There's the physical side to, how when they touch its everything that I like and am attracted to and it's all right there. (perhaps this is how some women feel about slash?). Femslash where they talk and then have sex and then cuddle, or just lie in bed next to each other, listening to each other breathe. Togetherness, in a world where they exist as a partnership. That's what I want. They can fight and struggle but I like to know they will be together at the end of it. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/327077.html with |
| 2:44 pm | swimming the emperor's lake In Beijing. It is HOT. High 30s (90s F), not a cloud in the sky. Around midday its brutal but the evenings and mornings are great. Warm, comfortable and my hostel's all shady. (there's also a dog! a very cute golden). It's a converted Ming courtyard so it's beautiful, right in the hutong (alley where tons of old stone houses are). Lots of little hole in the wall shops. People out in the street, living life. (Yelling, doing laundry, playing cards, wandering around partially dressed. (It's hot). I'm sick of capitalism, shopping, people trying to get my money, so I looked up things to do in Beijing that are free and found a lake that's popular with locals, who swim in it. It's hot. I haven't been swimming in ages so, I went for it. Turns out I've totally been there about six years ago on my undergrad China trip, but I was in a group and we didn't swim. Today I swam. The lake has this beautiful ming pagoda on an island in the centre and you can swim over and watch the boats. People were even playing cards on the island (in their swimsuits.) Everyone was so amused that I (a foreigner) was going swimming. Also I think because I'm a woman and it was all men other than me most of the time. It was green and warm as bathwater and maybe I'll get the plague (probably not.). But it was kind of awesome in that little kid freedom sort of way. I'm going tomorrow for the hot part of the day. It was all locals and no tourists so it was pretty darn nice. The touristy places are so full of people (and everyone wants my money). Kunming was much easier to 'live' in. But I found the emperor's lake. It's right by the forbidden city and it's warm and free. So I'll just alternate between that and hiding in the hostel to write fic when the weather's nice. Speaking of fic. I'm killing this Once Upon a Time fic. I have NEVER written this fast for so long on anything. I'm going to have a 100k month and it's not even NaNoWriMo. (it's world building femslash preg!fic, which seems to be my happy place. I'd mention regrets but Regina's just so pretty). Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/326825.html with |
| 2:44 pm | Royalty Big Bang on LJ and DW! It sounds fun, the word count is low, there's podfic. Since GoT and OuaT are making my fannish heart skip beats lately, I'm in and I thought I'd pimp.  Profile DW Author Sign Up & Artist Sign Up & Pod Fic Sign Up@ DW Author Sign Up & Artist Sign Up & Pod Fic Sign Up@ LJ Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/326124.html with |
| 2:44 pm | AO3 meme Nicked from Pairings: F/M (85) F/F (49) Gen (16) Multi (6) Other (3) M/M (3) F/F is creeping up there! Fandoms Star Trek: The Next Generation (58) Star Trek: Voyager (56) Stargate Atlantis (39) Sanctuary (TV) (10) A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin (9) Game of Thrones (TV) (7) Doctor Who (2005) (4) Lost Girl (3) Stargate SG-1 (2) Oh Star Trek, if you didn't have so many crossovers, I don't think you'd be ahead of Atlantis, which is still a sweet love, even if I never write it anymore. Some of those fics are cute, past Oparu. Good work! Characters Beverly Crusher (35) Kathryn Janeway (30) Jean-Luc Picard (18) Deanna Troi (14) Chakotay (13) William Riker (9) Lwaxana Troi (7) Elizabeth Weir (5) Catelyn Stark (4) Ned Stark (4) I must not tag individual characters on SGA fics. I am also not that varied. I have my go-tos and I go to them. ;) Pairings John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir (28) Beverly Crusher/Kathryn Janeway (27) Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard (19) Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway (18) William Riker/Deanna Troi (8) Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark (4) Bo/Lauren (3) Beast/Belle (Beauty and the Beast 1991) (2) Helen Magnus/River Song (2) Helen Magnus/James Watson (2) Feel like I should write one more Beverly/Kathryn fic, just to tie it up. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/324967.html with |
| 2:44 pm | I'm in China! So, I'm in China, doing my fieldwork like a real phd student. Which is great and terrifying. China is intense. I've been here six days, spent three days on the train (in third class, without a seat, sitting on a stool and then the floor for a very long time. Actually had a great time, weirdly enough). Now I'm in a very nice hostel, alternating between doing interviews in the park (when my interpreter is free - she's a uni student) and wandering around. There's a gorgeous buddhist temple, so I hang out there, and I wander to see what's around. There are crowded, strange little side streets full of hole in the wall shops and restuarants. There's a huge shopping mall that's mostly empty except for the bargain basement. (6 floors, shops only on basement and floor one, restaurants on six, nothing anywhere else. It's almost creepy). My gall bladder's acting up (apparently it's stony...boo) so I'm on a weird eating thing where I never feel hungry until my blood sugar is in the basement, then as soon as I eat I feel full, so there's lots of munching. Can't handle meat so it's rice and vegetables, noodles and vegetables and nuts, which seems to work okay. Internet here is dodgy. Gmail is a mess. DW/LJ pleasantly load enough but it's hard to comment. In a way this is glorious because I have time. I have no house to clean, no job to go to, it's just me and my thesis and I've never had that before. It's nice, but again, terrifying. Here I am...and I have to do it. I've started talking to myself constantly again because no one speaks English. I can say what I want. My brain is running away with "Man of Steel" ideas, "Once Upon a Time" ficlets, bizarre TNG/Pacific Rim crossovers. (did anyone else love that film as much as I did? It just made me happy). I've been scanning the flist and remembering how much I love it, so hopefully I'll be more post-y lately. Have a bit of a "Don't Starve" and "Minecraft" distraction to get over. Writing fic does seem to make my thesis go easier, so if you're not too busy, help a wandering Oparu out. (I'd do a poll, but they never work across the DW/LJ divide.) A) Man of Steel fic - something Lois centric about dating an alien with perfectionist qualities. B) Once Upon a Time femslash babyfic because that is just my happy place. Probably involving China, because I'm here and it'll be easy to work in Chinese folklore. C) Starships run on a drift interface. Jack Crusher died while in the drift with Jean-Luc Picard, and he can't take command of the Enterprise unless Starfleet finds someone compatible. (the captain has to be able to drift with the ship...) Beverly is compatible and excited to serve on the Enterprise, but he's been in love with her for years, how can they share minds? (really probably only me would get this fic, but I love the idea) Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/324746.html with |
| 2:44 pm | taming semi-feral cats and other stories I've been absent lately. Not just from the internets, but from many parts of my life. I'm on antidepressants, which is better than the previous state of seemingly unplaced misery, but weird. They've altered my sleep patterns a great deal. I'm out of sorts with my work, detached from everything I consider fun, and living in a giant mess that used to be my flat. (It's getting better) So I adopted two more cats. I was planning on one. My current cat, Narcissa, is a sweet, adorable, slightly overweight black female cat of undetermined parentage, who loves a lap and a purr but really could use a friend because I'm not home that much. She loves other cats and could use a companion. There were several cats who would have done well with my mostly confident, loving, lazy fuzzball. I ended up with two. A pair who'd been rescued from a colony in a lady's backyard in Sheffield. All eight of them had to be trapped because they were human-shy. Starbuck is a black and white tuxedo cat, about 6 months old and tiny. She's like a cat in miniature, without the big headed clumsy kitten-ness, just like a cat who's been shrunk. She likes being stroked after a few moments of confusion, purrs and kneads her feet into the desk (or whatever surface she's on). She's relatively shy and sticks close to Aeryn, who's a black ghost of felineness. She's only slightly unferal, hisses when you get too close (about 30 cm) and copes with human presence by being on the other side of the room. Starbuck needs eyedrops, so must be captured twice a day for confinement and a drop in each eye. (harder than it seems for a tiny 1kg cat). My drugs are on the same schedule so we take them together. Somehow that's comforting. As if my muddled psyche can be taken in hand and dropped/prozaced into submission. Caring for them helps. I've been trying to clean the flat (a mighty task). So I clean, and then go see the cats, speaking to them, convincing Starbuck she would like to be stroked and trying to get a tiny bit closer to Aeryn. It's slow progress. I'm slow progress. We match. Do adore the cats. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/323996.html with |
| 2:44 pm | Borg Queen fic rec! The completely divine Cheshire wrote me Borg Queen fic for a holiday exchange. It's a Unimatrix AU where Janeway is captured by the Borg. It's deliciously dark and complicated. Highly recommended. No happy ending (no gore or anything) but one of the best Borg Queen POV's I've ever read. Homecoming Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/323459.html with |
| 2:44 pm | Snowflake Challenge day 6 - communities I don't spend much time in communities. (something I ought to rectify, many are really neat) My favourites:  westerosorting. It's so much more than a sorting comm. The houses are huge, reasonably active, the tournaments and challenges are interesting, the mods are kooky and fun. It's just a great comm full of wonderful people who love the Song of Ice and Fire books, love/hate/watch and facepalm the show and have a good time doing it. where_no_woman Star Trek has some amazing women who are often overlooked because the men are equally amazing and there's more of them and got_exchange It's a GoT/ASOIAF exchange comm that keeps running one after the other and it's AWESOME. The level of fic and art is superb, it's full of so many different pairings and ideas and no matter what you can think of to ask for, you'll get it and it'll be fantastic. I've never been disappointed by a got-exchange. Usually I'm overwhelmed by quality.Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/323111.html with |
| 2:44 pm | Snowflakes, Day 2, 3 and 4 The second day of Snowflakes In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you did not create. Drop a link to your post in the comments. See if you can rec fanworks that are less likely to be praised: tiny fandoms, rare pairings, fanworks other than stories, lesser known kinks or tropes. Find fanworks that have few to no comments, or creators new to a particular fandom and maybe aren't well known or appreciated. Appreciate them. Our Marvellous Inheritance by Scopolia Carniolica by To Uncreate a Memory by Third day of Snowflakes - Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've interacted with and friend/follow them. Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!". Done! :) Perhaps we'll end up being friends? Fourth day of Snowflakes: Day 4 In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. 1. In my giddy, needy heart of hearts? Fic/art/podfic of High Inquisitor Lwaxana Troi. I love the idea of her being so powerful, so profoundly evil, yet still caring on some dark level. She thinks she's the greater good, in a wildly frakked up way. She's one of my favourite beings I've ever created and I would LOVE to see what she's like in someone else's hands. (or photoshop, or in their voice...podfic rocks) 2. Westeros in space. Ned and Catelyn on the starship Winterfell. Direwolves as a type of sentient starfighter that bonds to the pilot. Dragons a space-dwelling lifeform that promises to change space-combat forever. Completely cracktastic, lady-filled ASOIAF AU fan-creations of any sort would be amazing. 3. Beverly/Kathryn. It's utterly indulgent for me to wish for them. I love them. Adore them. Anything. Art, three line fics, podfic of any of the fics I've written of them. A fic outline that you would write me if only you had unlimited time and resources. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/323012.html with |
| 2:44 pm | I'm watching horror movies for Xmas. Happy Christmas, everyone!! I've watched much horror. Mostly Bloody Disgusting Selects on netflix. Some clever things, some less so, suitably distracting though. Wake Wood was subtle and kinda sweet, if a bit gory. Offspring and the Woman were interesting social commentary with intense amounts of violence. Interesting, if disturbing. The cats are adorable. Gentleman cat is back, and they insist on sleeping together in a ball of feet and tails. I'm quietly lonely and should make the time to call all my family. They're all doing things though so... Took a break for the Queen, whom I just have a great soft spot for, and Doctor Who, which had happy points and less happy points. Completely non spoilery, and must be dealt with: Winter is Coming. They said it twice. I must over-analyse the implications and speculate about the Doctor in Westeros. (which is probably the most unlikely fandom crossover, ever). There is nothing timey-whimey about Westeros. Was it a shout out? Was it unintentional? It's in there twice *flails*. And Downton is coming! How exciting is that? Love a bit of Downton. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/322199.html with |
| 2:44 pm | all I need is snow... So, first half of the day was an utter waste where I caught up on television and wallowed in my "zomg I'm alone!" television was fun though. (The lack of any more "Mockingbird Lane" is a total tragedy. the pilot was amazing. "American Horror Story" is the craziest beast to ever be on telly and I adore it. It is whacked.) Clearing out of the department for a week. Going to miss the comfort and the convenience of having a tea kettle and a fridge, but I'll make do. I'm rubbish at working at home so I'll need to come up with something that makes the 24 hour library comfy. Got my Yuletide done, just needs some poking. Huge thanks to  ma_raven for helping to steer my plot. Might actually write something I want to write, just for fun. I've earned a bit of that. Self-comfort fic is in, right? Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/321816.html with |
| 2:44 pm | happy December! Festivus!: I love December, flist. I love the promise of (if not the appearance of) snow, fairy lights - the more garish the better, decorations, tiny trees, big trees: love it all. It's starting to look festive on campus and it's lovely. Town has lots of incredibly glorious blue and multicoloured lights that really aren't tasteful, making them all the better. dawwww Went a wedding yesterday that was really fun. Two of my coworkers got married, and my coffee shop coworkers are really friendly, lovely people, so it was pretty awesome. Members of staff made up half the dance floor and it was generally just a great day. They seemed so happy, the groom gave a great speech, and it was a pretty wondrous day. Femslash12: Think I may have made of mess of it. I wrote, what I thought, was a sweet little fic about Belle and Merida (of Beauty and the Beast and Brave, respectively) had a little interlude with hints of a future relationship. My recipient has ignored it, and I have one comment that, though polite, kind of annoys me. Anon commenter thinks it's not femslash. Yes, Belle and her prince's relationship is mentioned a few times because it's a part of her story. She saved him and a whole castle of people from an enchantress. Merida saved her mother and brothers from an enchantment. It seemed like a natural point to connect them. It has Merida assuming she'll marry a man. She lives in a medieval society that assumes she'll marry a man. I don't think that's out of character for her. No, it doesn't go much further than Merida finding Belle very attractive, sort of idolising her, and wanting her to ride away with her into the sunny woods. Yes, that could be taken as friendship, but no, I didn't mean it that way. I tried to explain it in a comment, but now I worry I might have offended my recipient who hasn't commented. She's posted her gift and replied to a comment and oh those little voices that insist she just must have hated it. I'm wrapped in self-doubt now. I'll probably get over it in a day or so, but ugh. The idea that femslash needs to exist separate from men frustrates me. If I want to write two bisexual women falling in love, that seems just as valid to me as writing two Kinsey-6 lesbians who are already in love. Sometimes previous relationships add to the character. I feel I did an okay job. It's not my best fic, but it's decent. That anon comment and the subsequent lack of comment by my recipient have me rolling in doubt. I might skip femslash13. I feel polyamoury and bisexuality are perfectly valid expressions of femslash. If anything, I wrote a biromantic peice between two women, and I think that's okay. I'm really struggling with "I think that's okay" and "the exchange/my recipient" might not think that's okay. I think this is triggering my own self-doubt regarding relationships and attraction. I'm slowly coming to a comfortable place where I can define myself as bisexual without being afraid. I have my own fears about men and a lingering fear and self-loathing about sex to work on, but the label's less stressful than it was. It's a confusing and isolating thing. Working with LGBT committee, I meet people on all sides of the scale, from lesbians who find men repulsive to gay men who find women equally so. I have no desire to find either repulsive. I think I may settle into a polysexual sort of 'the person matters' place. Someday I might even be comfortable with that. It's just so exhausting to feel outside of society, and then again outside of sexual minority society. I have this lingering desire to cry my eyes out which must be hormonal. It's possibly blood sugar related also. I'm going to try only eating three times (no snacking) and taking my metformin with each meal. Maybe that will balance it out. Maybe my period will balance it out. Maybe it's stress. I feel MUCH more upset about things than the things deserve lately. I'm also exhausted. My mum does manic-depressive in cycles, and considering my exhaustion, I wonder if it's part of that? I definitely have moments of up up up, and this feels imposed, somehow. Like it's happening externally to me and superimposed over my actual emotions. I'm trying to let it go. I'm thinking of attending church. There's a really nice one, known for their acceptance of LGBT folks and being the home for the centre for radical Christianity. It's really positive (female bishops, gay marriage) and church is such a big part of the lives of many people I love, I'm sometimes tempted by it. I struggle with belief in God and any idea of predestination. God has a plan, is way too much for me. There is a God and it loves you and wants you to love yourself sounds nice. I might try Buddhism too. Some quiet time where I listened to myself might be what I need. Back on topic: the fic I received is an amazing, sad-and-gorgeous, Beverly and Kathryn moment in the future where their relationship consisted of a glorious interlude far in the past, where they've both been in relationships with men, and are not in a relationship with each other at the moment. I love it. To Uncreate a Memory (1221 words) by Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: The Next Generation Rating: General Audiences Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Kathryn Janeway Characters: Kathryn Janeway, Beverly Crusher Summary: Admiral Kathryn Janeway knows what it's like to bear the heavy burden of her decisions, but she didn't think anything could test her resolve with this one. Nanowrimo: ETA: I finished nano!! In clumps and stops and starts, with about half Beverly/Kathryn fic and about half soap opera fanfic. (my favourite soap from High School is on youtube, I've been watching it, and gave in and wrote this long, somewhat poly (the man's in love with two women, one is his wife and the other is his best friend dying of cancer) they go to Kenya and have a nice little love triangle where the wife conquers some of her insecurities, the friend dies the way she wants and admits her son actually is the husband's child from years ago (before his marriage). The son gets to have a relationship with his biological father and his wife, who's a fantastically complex character I've had a crush on for nearly as long as Beverly Crusher. (seriously). I may be the only person who likes it but it was glorious. I loved writing it. I read a great article about feminism and Twilight that talked about female desire for exploration of emotions in media that read like a defence of curtain fic. Basically, we should never shame ourselves for wanting what we want from the media. Sometimes a badly written movie can please us as well as an extraordinary film. Fanfic can feed us as well as a classic novel, and even the soap opera has a place. Posted in the mirror verse at http://oparu.dreamwidth.org/321476.html with |